エスター　・　Crimson Youkai ([info]reddaemon) wrote,
@ 2007-05-22 19:13:00
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was gonna say stuff. But too distraught.

I hope i can get back to working on my costume..

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[info]thedrunkdeadman
2007-05-23 06:07 am UTC (link)
What is wrong? you really have been so.. distant lately.. and not on at all. If you're not working on your costume.. what the hell is going on? Or.. should I just expect more mystery from you and not going to tell me as you often do... :\ sure makes it hard to feel like a friend when you wanna help someone and they won't even give you the chance...

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[info]reddaemon
2007-05-23 06:10 am UTC (link)
sorry

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[info]thedrunkdeadman
2007-05-23 07:35 am UTC (link)
do more than say "sorry" and do something about whatever is bothering you... Esther, I've tried so hard to be there for you.. to make you happy but it's hard... it'd help if I knew how to help you.. if I knew what's wrong.. is it school related? guy related? friend related? (I doubt the guy related one since you said you aren't interested at all in any kinda relationships cause you wanna focus more on school but ya.. might be..) what is wrong?

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[info]thedrunkdeadman
2007-05-25 04:25 am UTC (link)
I'm sick and tired of you, Esther.. I've tried to have been helpful, I try to make you happy when we do talk. You don't do shit.. you have a problem and you keep it inside. You are bound to be raped one day because you're the kinda girl that COULD be raped and NOT go talk to the cops or someone about it so they can get in the trouble they deserve. You keep going by in life like this.. hoping God.. a fake piece of shit in the sky who honestly doesn't care about you, will protect you. Well he won't. You won't let another try and protect you, and you fail at protecting yourself. You're always going to be a victim. And you cause pain to those of you close to you who actually care about you and want to help you. You refuse to talk them.. and then when it comes to me, you bitch, make up false shit, and ya.. I don't talk to anyone about shit you've told me to keep secret.. the only thing I've talked about to anyone was the fucking thing you told me last summer where you said you cheated on me with Leo.. because my heart was broken and I couldn't take the pain by myself.

You know what, for all the pain you caused me, for all the times I've tried to talk to you and help you ease your pain.. or so I can take it instead yet you refuse, you deserve whatever happened to you... or whatever you did. I bet it was something as sick as what you told me last summer. Another moment of being a whore.. who cares.. you're not my problem anymore. Whatever feelings I've had for you, you've proven they are a waste. I've given you chance again and again and what do you do? You run and cower and refuse to be even a friend. You don't treat me like a friend, you make up shit in your head and believe it to be true.. and then what? Who do I talk to? And what the fuck is the "Miyo thing" cause I don't remember shit about it. Did you ever think that it wasn't I that might talk about it to others? Hell... I DON'T EVEN TALK TO ANYONE! I barely chat with anyone. I do 3 things really, I go to school, I play games, and I sleep. I don't chat with anyone.. the only one lately is a girl named Lucky who actually eases my heart. And I tell her nothing about what you tell me to keep secret.. but you should realize you DON'T tell me anything that you want to keep secret cause you always tell me to be quiet. And anything you tell me to keep secret, I often forget later.

Stop deluding yourself, Esther. I've never told any secret to anyone, the only thing was when you hurt me long ago because I needed to tell someone so my heart could be eased.. and the other reason I might have told (like Becca or Arlene) was so they could watch out for you, help you keep from making the mistakes again. Since then I've said nothing about anything you've talked to me about. Stop blaming me for shit.. I'm sick of it. You've brought me nothing but pain.. I try again and again to at least be a friend and you, again and again, cause me pain and suffering. And I keep trying, again and again and again. And you know the sad thing? I'll keep trying.. again and again and again... even if it leads me to my own doom...

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